im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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