People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
