it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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