You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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