There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
