what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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