I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
