If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
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My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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