What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
