Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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