I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize