Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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