yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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