I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
