does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
