I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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