u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
