Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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