I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
