were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
MIDGETS
????
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
