Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
