Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
