Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
