Umm I'm too high to move.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
