If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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