did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
