you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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