I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
