i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
