I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
