Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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