Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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