is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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