There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
