so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat