i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
