Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.