I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
