He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!