Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."