I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?