Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.