either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can text with my tongue
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
