i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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