Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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