He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
