She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
