i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
