a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
