pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
