Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
