an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize