There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
