she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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