she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
