I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
