Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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