I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Alive.
So much puke
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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