Tell her she can't have a vagina
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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