shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
