Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
