i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
