Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
