Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
