hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
