my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
a search helicopter?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
