I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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