:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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