If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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