Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
