i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
