Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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