Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
