Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
