It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
