Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
