I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
