My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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