you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
