end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Randomize
