If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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