dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
