i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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