my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pants are for mortals
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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