You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
