end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
