this will be a night to untag.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
did i just pee glitter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
