this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
