there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
