I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
