um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
