Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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