I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
