I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
