if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
